FEELING LOST

Hey love
I hope you are now living peacefully with God, in his arms, surrounded by thousands of sweet angels and cherubs. You always told me that you were never loved here on earth but I tried to change it for you. I wanted to do more for you if the time had given me any chance. I wish I could turn it around; take you back, love you more than ever before. One thing that cannot never change is my love for you. You still have my heart, I may be struggling to learn to live without you but I will never forget you or stop loving you. Your giggles still echo through my memories when I lie down and think about our good old days together.
I need to tell that you are still my only one and I will never love another man the way I do you. This is my promise. I can feel in my bones that we are special. Even though you are not here in this world anymore but I pledge to remain faithful, dedicated and loyal to you til the world ends.
I have been feeling lost without you for God knows countless months. All I do is sleep, work, eat and sleep. From time to time I go back, watch your videos and try to keep brain as busy as possible. But, sometimes I just feel like I cannot do it anymore and I must stop living. I wish i could cease to exist like countless people who perished from the face of the earth. Nobody talks about them any more and their names are not even registered anywhere in the history.  All I can do is wish, wish, wish.  It is not a great thing to be thankless to God for everything he has bestowed us. Life is draining the soul, even though I wish to pray more and be more thankful, I feel down. I was already dying of the pain and troubles, your death was a nail to my coffin. I am now a dead alive,like a walking zombie, like a breathing corpse getting bluer with time.
I need you back........... When i pray to god and kneel down before him, I request him to forgive you, me and all. I ask forgiveness for your family and for everyone. I beg for your peace hereafter, this is what you have always wanted.