FEELING LOST

Hey love
I hope you are now living peacefully with God, in his arms, surrounded by thousands of sweet angels and cherubs. You always told me that you were never loved here on earth but I tried to change it for you. I wanted to do more for you if the time had given me any chance. I wish I could turn it around; take you back, love you more than ever before. One thing that cannot never change is my love for you. You still have my heart, I may be struggling to learn to live without you but I will never forget you or stop loving you. Your giggles still echo through my memories when I lie down and think about our good old days together.
I need to tell that you are still my only one and I will never love another man the way I do you. This is my promise. I can feel in my bones that we are special. Even though you are not here in this world anymore but I pledge to remain faithful, dedicated and loyal to you til the world ends.
I have been feeling lost without you for God knows countless months. All I do is sleep, work, eat and sleep. From time to time I go back, watch your videos and try to keep brain as busy as possible. But, sometimes I just feel like I cannot do it anymore and I must stop living. I wish i could cease to exist like countless people who perished from the face of the earth. Nobody talks about them any more and their names are not even registered anywhere in the history.  All I can do is wish, wish, wish.  It is not a great thing to be thankless to God for everything he has bestowed us. Life is draining the soul, even though I wish to pray more and be more thankful, I feel down. I was already dying of the pain and troubles, your death was a nail to my coffin. I am now a dead alive,like a walking zombie, like a breathing corpse getting bluer with time.
I need you back........... When i pray to god and kneel down before him, I request him to forgive you, me and all. I ask forgiveness for your family and for everyone. I beg for your peace hereafter, this is what you have always wanted.

I am very surprised and shocked to see how your death is affecting me now. I was writing for a client yesterday and forgot everything, i had no recollection of the words, sentences and ideas to write about. it was like someone had flipped my all sanity switches off. I felt terrible and rejected. I am not blaming you for any of it, but I wonder what is happening baby.
I sleep and see you in my dreams, even today I woke up with tears in my eyes, All i can remember is i was calling onto God and asking him for help. I was sobbing and begging like it was the only thing my life depended on. I miss you so much, i go back and forth on the old account to watch your videos. Facebook has been showing some errors on all of your voice clips and it is causing anxiety because sometimes I just wish to relive our love and past again, it seems like fb is messing it up.

world is changing

The corona virus outbreak has changed the world and now there is a weird chaos to be seen among people. I think this world is ending and nobody will come down on the earth to save these creatures of the world. We are on our own, remember how you would use to tell me "I will die alone", and now literally it is happening with everyone. People die alone and their loved ones cannot even get to say their last good bye.

Simple memories